Hominid Views

Dear Dino Rossi

It seems that everyone wants your opinion now (what a change, huh?). I’ve seen it asked in the papers; but, for the last couple of days things have really gotten out of hand. David Goldstein of HorsesAss.org has launched a virtual vigil asking you to declare whether you support or reject the anti-roads initiative, I-912.

To make matters worse, other bloggers have followed Goldy’s lead (here, here, and here). They are all demanding an answer. Last July, I read in the New York Times that there are 80,000 new blogs created each day. Before this thing becomes the political equivalent of a SARS epidemic, you need to do something!

I mean, fundamentally, you are screwed if you don’t handle this correctly. There is a large group of your voters who have considered the issues very carefully and find themselves on the side of supporting the initiative. Their major reason: they are really sore about the gubernatorial election thing. They somehow believe that repealing the gasoline tax increase will punish Governor Gregoire. To me, this is about as logical as burning your own house just to let the smoke annoy the asshole renters next door.

On the other hand, the business community is pretty much against the initiative. Bad roads are bad business. As a real estate broker salesman, you know how it costs you money and generally sucks to be sitting in snarled traffic with some tightwad customer who has no appreciation of the subtle aesthetics of the 1980s split-level home. Also, imagine how it will hurt your business if the SR520 floating bridge sinks—east side property values will plummet because the location will no longer offer a viable commute to north of the ship canal.

Many other pro-business groups do not support I-912. Most notably, your sugar daddy, the BIAW, refuses to endorse this initiative. You don’t want to risk torquing them off and reminding them of the millions of dollars they pissed away on your election campaign and the legal aftermath.

No. You need to be careful on this one. Here is the plan. You must come out against I-912, but for reasons that are acceptable to the red-neck element amongst your supporters. With that in mind, I have written a draft public statement for you:

[Thank your family and your dog Dubya here]

Many people want to know my position on Initiative 912, the repeal of the gas tax increase.

I have reluctantly come out against the initiative.

While there is much merit in the initiative, I believe that, because of the political makeup of the Washington State Supreme Court, it will be almost impossible to uphold this initiative. I am, therefore, ending my support for I-912.

[Tell voters that you don't know where you are going, but you want to go there with them.]

Oh, sure, some people may call you a weasel, and others may accuse you of lacking statesmanship. But, really, most who oppose the initiative will appreciate your stance regardless of the reason, and the slam to the Supreme Court will resonate with the red-neck wingnuts who supported you in 2004.

I really think you ought to give this strategy a shot!

Yours,
Darryl Holman
HominidViews.com