Tuesday, January 17, 2006 at 12:26 pm by Darryl
Near-universal Tolerance and Equality
The Reverend Ken Hutcherson
Antioch Bible Church
Redmond, WA
Dear Pastor Hutcherson,
What a refreshing difference you made for the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday. Yesterday, millions of people celebrated the life and accomplishments of the man who catalyzed the civil rights movement—the man who applied God’s message of love and equality to fight for equal rights for all Americans. You, on the other hand, took the opportunity to place devine limits on Dr. King’s message.
What civic pride you must have felt yesterday when you called for a boycott of Microsoft, HP, and other businesses that have come out in support of adding “sexual orientation†to the non-discrimination laws of Washington State.
As you so eloquently pointed out last year ,
Antioch Bible Church will always stand on God’s side every time. And there isn’t a company big enough to stand against God.
Yep…Jesus offered his message of love to all of society’s outcasts: the beggars, women, the infirm, non-Jews, prostitutes, and even lepers. And, by making wine from water, Jesus even showed compassion for drug addicts. You, however, have enlightened us by refining His message: the compassion of the Christ stops at homosexuality.
It is clear to me, now, that in sharing his message with the woman of Samar’ia, what Jesus really meant was:
…whoever1 drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst; the water that I shall give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life2.
1yes…even a harlot like you who has gone through 5 husbands and is now living in sin with your sixth lover…just so long as you are shacking up with a man, because, in my book, there are no drinks for homos.
2But, sorry, no eternal life for homos, either.
And, when the Pharisees brought a woman charged with adultery to Jesus and reminded him that adultery was punishable by stoning, the real subtext of Jesus’ message of compassion was:
He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone at her1.
1Unless her sin was to lyeth with a another woman, in which case, “last one to cast is a rotten egg!â€
So, if I am following you, your “what would Jesus do?†message for society would be to fire the gays, refuse to sell homes to lesbians (or, at least charge them a higher interest rate on their home mortgage loans), and make the bisexuals stand at the back of the bus. Maybe we could have ‘em wear distinctive markers to make them easier to spot.
Thank you for enlightening us by showing just how Jesus is still relevant in the 21st century. I am sure Dr. King would have been proud to accept your divinely-inspired revisions to his message of universal tolerance and equality.
“Near-universal tolerance and equality†is clearly what God wants.
Ohhh…and, I’m sure your message will bear fruit when that offering plate gets passed around, too!
Yours verily,
Darryl
http://hominidviews.com
Redmond, WA
Update: Wow! The response has been overwhelming thanks to the link from Patriotboy at Jesus’ General, the web’s funniest and most patriotic site. Here are some other relevant posts on this story. Goldy at Horsesass gives his take on Hutcherson’s announcement and follows up with this post. Jonathan at NPI discusses Hutcherson teaming up with Dobson, and The Gay Curmudgeon further discusses the timing of Hutcherson’s announcement on the MLK holiday. Belltowner does his thing, too.
Tuesday, January 17th, 2006 at 10:01 pm
Amen, brother!
Tuesday, January 17th, 2006 at 10:41 pm
[Trackback...] …TV preacher to pass a moneylender through the eye of a needle than to get a rich camel to cast the first stone. Or something like that. And, when the Pharisees brought a woman charged with adultery to Jesus and reminded him that adultery was punishable by stoning, the real subtext of Jesus’ message of compassion was: He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone at her1. [...]
Wednesday, January 18th, 2006 at 2:23 am
You are not worthy to loosen the shoe latchet of a man like Ken Hutcherson, much less comment intelligently on biblical matters.
Stick to what you know best…nothing.
Wednesday, January 18th, 2006 at 2:58 am
Pride goeth before the fall.
But, whatever…
Wednesday, January 18th, 2006 at 3:32 am
Question for Whatever: Would you care to elaborate where Darryl fails to “comment intelligently on biblical matters”? Pick one thing and comment on it. Unsubstantiated accusations are the tool of the weak.
Wednesday, January 18th, 2006 at 3:58 am
shorter Rev Hutchinson – “Jesus loves me so fuck all the rest of you”
Wednesday, January 18th, 2006 at 5:43 am
If Rev Hutchinson thinks he has a flying-f of a chance to make it to heaven, then give me some of what he’s smoking. Funny how the drug addicts like Limbaugh trash the drug addicts, and the sex pervs like Swaggart trash the pervs….hmmm Hutchinson trashing gays? Interesting.
Wednesday, January 18th, 2006 at 6:05 am
Last year a minister explained to me that there was a mistranslated word in the story of the centurion, where a Roman army officer comes to Jesus and asks him to heal his nearly-dead servant. I always wondered why this servant was so important. I mean, I grew up in the South, and concern for servants/slaves was not high on anyone’s priorities. They’d be more likely to complain about the slacker than go find a healer.
Turns out “servant” should have been translated as “joy boy” or something to that effect.
So the officer asks for healing for his young male lover, but tells Jesus, “You don’t have to come to my house. I’m an officer. I know how it is. You just say the word, and it’s done.” His words are immortalized in Catholic and other liturgies when we say, “Lord, I am not worthy that you should come under my roof. Speak but the word and my soul (’servant’) shall be healed.”
And Jesus said:
A. Shoulda used a condom.
B. Fry in hell, perverts.
C. Truly I tell you, I have not found so great faith in Israel… Go you way; and as you have believed, so it is done. (And his servant was healed in the same hour.)
Wednesday, January 18th, 2006 at 7:20 am
I think that the good reverend makes God in his image instead of the other way around. So it is only natural that God has the same bigotry that he has.
Wednesday, January 18th, 2006 at 7:35 am
“the shoe latchet of a man like Ken Hutcherson” Who would use a phrase like “shoe latchet” in a sentence. Perhaps someone like, say, the Reverend Ken Hutcherson.
Wednesday, January 18th, 2006 at 7:45 am
You have the right of it. We colourful Australians would call Hutch “a hypocritical wanker”
He’s telling GLBT folks “I’m alright, Jack” (meaning ‘I got my anti-discrimination legislation, so I don’t care about yours’)
His position that being GLBT is a choice and therefore not eligible for protection from discrimination is fatally flawed. The argument he makes that only immutable and non-coverable traits are eligible for protection (like skin colour) is a foolish one.
If it was so, then what grounds would there be for protecting discrimination on the grounds of religious affiliation? It has no genetic component, is clearly a choice, and is easily coverable.
If only we could slip him a dose of prescription Agnosil and remove the religious motivation for his prejudice…
~GC
Wednesday, January 18th, 2006 at 10:03 am
Surely Reverend Hutchinson has a goodly number of “knowledge workers” in his congregation who must feel the fires of Hell licking at their toes as they use M$ products like Word and Excel at their places of employment. My heart goes out to them!
Wednesday, January 18th, 2006 at 10:58 am
Stick to what you know best…nothing.
Thanks, ‘whatever,’ for providing us with an example.
.
Wednesday, January 18th, 2006 at 11:57 am
Did Hutchinson play Center?
Wednesday, January 18th, 2006 at 2:30 pm
Jimmy,
The (unverified) web references I’ve seen (like this) all suggest he was an outside linebackeer. (I would hope he was right linebacker.)
Wednesday, January 18th, 2006 at 7:02 pm
Dear Darryl:
If going to Heaven means that I’ll share that fate with the likes of Pastor Hutcherson, I’d just as soon take my chances in Hell.
I’ll keep a seat warm for ya.
Wednesday, January 18th, 2006 at 7:05 pm
Whatever,
Well, you know what I always say. . .
Friday, January 20th, 2006 at 8:17 am
“not worthy to loosen the shoe latchet of a man like Ken Hutcherson”
What – are you fucking Amish or something? How about “not worthy to sniff his sweaty jockstrap near the end of the fourth quarter after you and Ken have snuck away for a quickie in the men’s lockerroom.” I can’t wait to read what happens when the coach walks in!!
Friday, January 20th, 2006 at 2:05 pm
Darryl:
Thanks for the info. I would have bet money that Hutcherson was a tight end.
Wednesday, March 8th, 2006 at 11:31 am
Are we really suprised about the “good” Rev’s ignorance? He lives and works in the “city” of Redmond. He represents the “people” around him. Seattle is a gem floating in a redneck sewer.
Wednesday, June 7th, 2006 at 10:12 am
[...] People like the bigoted Reverend Ken Hutcherson of the Antioch Bible Church in Redmond disingenuously called this a “gay rights†bill. “Homosexuality is a choice,†he frequently pointed out. (Hey Hutcherson, so is practicing a religion!) [...]